Mummy on the fence

I have been bursting to get my thoughts out into some content for the last few months and I have been really excited to get my ideas out there. I have ran ideas and had multiple conversations in my brain with myself and pictured these posts a million times over and now that the time has come to write something with the time I have set aside for my myself, my brain has gone blank- literally my life in a nutshell.

My name is Heather and I have decided to do everything I said I wouldn’t do and become a mum blogger! It started with the milestone cards and who knows where it will end? I have gone so far as to give myself a really corny name like “mummy neutral” and have a blog set up with really corny blog titles like “mummy on the fence”- it makes me cringe, but I am also like “yasss queen, this is what we want”. I’m clearly insecure, because I am already putting myself down which, as my friends will tell you is “classic Heather”. As much fun as taking the piss out of yourself is, I would like to draw the line somewhere. I mean, I am so bad at accepting compliments and I am even worse at accepting put downs; for example, the other week some told me I looked like I had aged a lot in the last few years, to which I also chimed in with “oh yeah and my hair line receding and I have wrinkles” and I could hear a voice in my head like “what are you doing? Why are you saying this?, but I think that is just how I am programmed and I wish I had the ability to just tell people like that to piss off.

I really rambled there and I have forgotten what the heck I was thinking of writing. Mum brain. Just my brain?

Oh yes, that was it! So why the blog? Well, a few years ago I discovered my love for writing and writing in a way that healed me. I have always been an anxious person and then to add, I have battled with an eating disorder for over a decade now. I started to blog about trying to love myself and in turn realised it isn’t about loving myself, it is about accepting myself. There is a safe space in accepting yourself and that is knowing that some days you’re going to love what you see and others you aren’t, and that is okay- we call it being body neutral.

It is exhausting being so negative towards yourself everyday, but it is also just as exhausting being positive all the time or pretending you are super body positive all the time, because even the most confident person has their days.

I was in a really great headspace before I fell pregnant and I felt amazing in my recovery…then I fell pregnant.

I decided to write a blog post about how pregnancy helped my eating disorder recovery and this post got published on an eating disorder website (I will post this blog in a few weeks). I shared my news with a few close friends and they suggested I should continue writing from a post partum perspective. Post having my daughter my body has changed. To some it might it might be so obvious, like “of course your body changed”, but I mean it has changed I have gone from finally accepting my pear shape, to now having a completely different body type I need to learn to accept and I must admit, it has been difficult.

I have found instagram to be a great tool for finding pages and people to follow that support your ideas and beliefs, but recently I was talking to another mum friend and I was saying that I just can’t find another mum out there that isn’t forcing a fitness regime or trying to be positive. They also have the perfect schedule and are posting like motherhood is easy and acting as if they don’t chuck their baby in front of the television for 10 minutes when they just need to take a break. I have decided to be the voice I need. I have also gone a step further than I ever have and got myself a website and a new instagram account to go with my new mum voice.

Each week I aim to share a little snippet of my life and I also plan to share the lives of other mother’s around Australia and or the world (I’ll see where my own little network takes me) and I am talking any mother! Mothers with kids, mothers without kids, trying mums, mums of 7, old mums, young mums, gay mums, straight mums, dad mums, mum mums, big mums, small mums, MUMS AS BIG AS YOUR HEAD!

I hope you got my reference, if not, this is awkward…

And on that note, welcome to mummy neutral! Thank you for your support and I will see you next week!

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